BILL CAUGHT WHISPERING SWEET NOTHINGS TO PIGEONS IN SHOCKING PARK SCANDAL!

In a twist no one saw coming, local legend Bill—yes, *that* Bill—was spotted in Central Park having what can only be described as a full-blown heart-to-heart with a flock of pigeons! Witnesses claim the 52-year-old accountant was seen cooing—literally cooing—at the feathered fiends on a park bench yesterday afternoon. Armed with a bag of breadcrumbs and a suspiciously romantic tone, Bill reportedly spilled his deepest secrets to the birds, who nodded along like they were in on the gossip.

Eyewitnesses swear they heard Bill murmur, 'You guys get me more than my ex ever did,' before offering a particularly plump pigeon a prime piece of crust. Sources (aka nosy park-goers) speculate Bill might be forming a 'feathered family' after one bird allegedly perched on his shoulder for a solid five minutes. Is this the start of a bizarre new reality show, 'Pigeon Whisperer: Bill’s Big Break'? We’re not sure, but the internet is already buzzing with memes of Bill as the 'Bird King of Central Park'!

Stay tuned for updates on whether Bill’s avian amigos will be invited to his next barbecue—or if they’ll just crash it for the crumbs. Either way, Bill, we’re rooting for your weird but wonderful new friendship!